Authenticity
Lots going on in the blogsphere about authenticity these days. For example, I just read this great post at the Passion Project Blog. And, Adam Kayce has a very awesome viewpoint here.
So, in the interest of being authentic, let’s share. First, I want to talk about my biggest fear. Rejection and Abandonment. I’m afraid that if I step into who I truly am at my core, my whole life will turn upside down. I’m afraid that if I shine my light bright enough, the people close to me will bail on me.
There. I said it.
Now, let’s talk about how I’ve managed this fear. I’ve actually had to learn to work with this fear - to function and build what I want to build even though this fear is very real and very alive within me.
I’ve learned to be an extrovert. It wasn’t easy, and people who meet me today cannot believe that I’m naturally introverted. These days, I think nothing of getting up in front of a group of people and giving a talk, or teaching. These days, I don’t bat an eye about going to a networking event by myself where chances are good I won’t know anyone. Today, I don’t hesitate to jump in the car and drive 4 hours to a speaking engagement in the middle of an unfamiliar state.
But - if you had met me 10 years ago - the thought of doing any of that would have terrified me.
Little by little, I’ve been shining my light… testing the waters if you will. And when I put myself out there, guess what happens? I end up meeting even more fabulous people, and the relationships I already have are strengthened and deepened.
Because when you bring your full self to the table, people are drawn to that. And it’s not in some egotistical sort of way. It’s in a deep, everlasting resonance between your Beings (yeah, that’s super woo woo - but you know it’s true 
).
When you express your true self, you find all of the amazing, fabulous, wonderful things that resonate with your true self and life gets even better - and bigge, and deeper, and more meaningful…
I’ve spent time pretending - yeah, I’ve been down that road. What ends up happening is, I attract a bunch of stuff that really doesn’t resonate, and I end up moving away from it anyway.
You’re meant to be YOU. And it’s going to happen… you can’t deny your true self… your soul won’t let you - eventually, it’s going to happen… whether you go kicking and screaming, or willingly.
May 28th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Jenn,
Excellent post. Sometime I’d love to hear what steps you took to get outside your fear and transform your life. Going from introvert to extrovert by sheer force of will has GOT to be a really interesting and inspirational story. I’m all ears.
Deb Gallardo
May 28th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
ooooo - Deb - that is GREAT blog fodder… Perhaps I shall formulate that into a series of posts… off to marinate on that…
May 28th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
[…] Givler has an interesting post over at Create a Thriving Business about Authenticity. I also quite enjoyed the source posts that inspired her to write such a […]
May 29th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
So I just had to point out Katherine Reschke’s most recent blog post:
http://tinyurl.com/3zmqvw
She doesn’t talk about authenticity per se… but she does address what to do when you get bullied online.
The fact is, if you are authentic, and you stand up and speak up for what you truly believe - you’re probably going to ruffle some feathers.
But if you stand in that power, the people that follow you will lean into you even more because chances are, they’ll resonate with what you say, and they’ll appreciate that you’re walking your talk in the world.
May 29th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
Jenn
Oh sister we have followed such simular paths…10 years ago I wasnt even able to call the phone company to set up service because I was so shy and unsure of myself
A few months ago I did a presentation for 150 women and the most interesting part was that I was just a lil bit nervous when years ago I would have gotten SICK and never ever even thought of speaking to a stranger much less a room full of them.
Its interesting to stand back and look at where I have been and who I was compared to now. I feel a real disconnection to that past woman filled with fear.
Then 2 thinks happened…I discoved the power of my mind through the use of hypnosis when I stopped smoking and then I discovered a book, wish I could remember the name
However I knew that fear was holding me back but I had no idea how to be the person I wanted to be)( confident, joyful) until I read a book that talked about acting as if…
To pick a person and pretend to be them.
So I challenged myself to act like my BF.
To feel the fear and then shove it in the garbage and act like Veronica.
I started with just smiling at everyone I knew.
Then saying hi.
Before I knew it didnt need to act like her to be who I wanted to be. I could be myself which is more reserved then she is. But knowing I can walk into a room of stranges and connect
Those who meet me, know me as an outgoing, friendly person who LOVES to connect people and projects
Throught the years I have worked wth my beliefs and behaviors that kept me locked up and bound by fear.
And I still have lots of work to do to shine as bright as I can
May 29th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
What a cool exercise - pretend to be someone you admire… that’s really neat. I’ll share my story here at some point in the near future as Deb suggested - but I agree Brandy - we have followed similar paths.
Your vision of yourself 10 years ago made me giggle because I can totally relate. Let’s see… 10 years ago I was afraid to:
Drive somewhere unfamiliar - to the point where I would have to drive it once with my husband so I knew what to expect…
Walk into a restaurant by myself if I was meeting someone.
Meet new people.
Speak to people I didn’t know.
Go shopping by myself.
Speak in front of a group of people.
I bet I could sit here all day and list things…
Something amazing though - I danced. I performed in front of 100’s of people. I was scared to death… but somehow, being on stage was different than any of that scary stuff… in fact, an ex-boyfriend actually made a comment about it once something like:
“You can go out and perform in front of 100’s of people, but you’re afraid to meet my best friend??”
Yep… that was about the size of it!